3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize