somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
