Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
