u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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