that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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