She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
