just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
