how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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