Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
