Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
