I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
