You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
