It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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