I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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