Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize