She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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