I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
