First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
