I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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