did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
