This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
