OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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