My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
