Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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