I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
