My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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