Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
