Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
