Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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