Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
