i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
