really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
