Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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