He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
