oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
