Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I touched a dick in church today
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
