we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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