3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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