So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
