I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I will be naked everywhere
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
