I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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