can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
