he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
