I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
