dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
