WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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