I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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