Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
