so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
