...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
