if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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