to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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