So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
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