Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
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Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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