Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
sarcasm needs its own font
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
