she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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