I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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