Is it normal to miss your booty call?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
