Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
