I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
