Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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