I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
