I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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