All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
