today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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