i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
