Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
