We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
