bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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