I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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